You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize