You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
