I didn't shave. On purpose
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
