Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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