yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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