We're facebook friends in real life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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