I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
