Soap is not a condiment
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
