1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize