please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
