Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
