i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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