This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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