I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
