I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
