You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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