Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
