i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
