he puts the penis in happiness.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
