yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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