I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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