everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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