Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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