I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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