before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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