I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can Purell be used as lube?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
