I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
