I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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