operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize