I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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