Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
