Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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