I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
