I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
