sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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