Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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