The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
