i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
