im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need to stop coming to work sober
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
