we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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