"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
