just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If that was your dad, he is hot
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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