I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
