The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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