Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
