P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
