Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize