I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
