We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my being single is dangerous.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize