OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
