I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
