thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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