see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
