U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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