how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
