i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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