I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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