i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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