I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
