No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize