You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
