I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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