remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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