I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
