dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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