his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
