Got a toothbrush?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
