1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize