i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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