I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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