yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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