there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize