if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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