do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to calm my uterus...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
