my vag is so smooth its legendary
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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