she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
