yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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