Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
