just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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