Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
