I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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