I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
