am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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