im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
do nipples grow back?
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