A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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