So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
