Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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