Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
