dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
