I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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