every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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