I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize