don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
