The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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