The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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