God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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