I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
