I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
