my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
