Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize